seedy:

now WHY would you snapchat me that photo if ur gonna put it in your story 

captaiinmarvel:

when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors

snapchatting:

one day i will figure out how boys work. and when i do, i’ll be unstoppable 

englland:

englland:

Egg whites? Why not egg blacks? End homophobia now!

image

going back to school

president-brobama:

"So how did u spend ur summer?"

me: image

officialmrpresident:

when you are talking and you say a word but it just doesnt sound like an actual word and you just

snpchatting:

I’m going to the gym love me

snpchatting:

I’m going to the gym love me

KID : mommy, i cant sleep, there's a monster under my bed
MOM : that's silly, theres no such thing as mo- OH GOD ITS TEARING MY ARM! Just kidding, he only eats kids, goodnight!

goclzilla:

when your friend makes a great pun

poryqon:

me: *touches my phone for 0.01 seconds*
my parents: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO WHAT DO THEY WANT WHAT ARE YOU SAYING WHYYYYYYYYYYYY